Day 10- No changes

Friday 1st may I went in early this morning as I had to drop off Rachel. Didn’t sleep well I ended up not expressing during the night which is really bad but I needed the sleep so badly. Noah had had a good night and put on 20grams again now 1330 (2lb 9oz) pump was put up to 10ml// hour this morning which he is tolerating well. The nurse went through the hand over sheet today. I don’t think they know I am nurse but was interesting anyway. His blood test came back his sodium levels were low so he is on BD NaCl a drop from TDS yesterday. I got to also do a ‘top to tail’ which seems to be SCBU terms for cares. I got to change his outfit to a blue wonder suit he looks so cute in blue. Was very fiddly as he is so small and I am scared of breaking him. We had a long cuddle after then Ma arrived and had a cuddle while I went to the toilet. I put him back after and expressed a good 300mls. It really hit me today that were only on day 10 and we have ages to go. The SCBU nurse had put his EDD back to what it was so now being 31+3 makes it feel even longer to coming home. It hurt today to leave I really feel like I am a sitting duck. He only puts on 20grams a day (if that) I can see the journey is going to go forever. It is day 10 and I am sick of that I want him to be awake and feed properly. I want him to be able to hold his own body temperature. I don’t want to wait, the wait is so undetermined. I feel so tired of worrying and thining about Noah in there. I feel tired from driving in and sitting with him. I am exhausted emotionally that I don’t have my baby with me. I know this is a normal feeling but is horrid today. Maybe is also Aaron not being at home all the time and knowing we have 3 kids tomorrow to contend with when I want to see and spend time with my baby. No mum should ever be away from her baby is torture.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- COUNT DOWN ESTIMATE

120grams to go till birth weight is hit 470 grams till 1.8 kilo and he can go into a cot 39 days (5weeks and 4 days) till he is able to learn to feed. 60 days (8 weeks and 4 days) till he is term and can come home.