Thankyou Eliot

Today on Oprah I watched a video of a mum and dad who did a blog for their pregnancy and baby called Eliot who had tris 18. Made me think of my blog and what I have written over the past 12 months of pregnancy and Noah life. So many days I ask myself why me? How come I had to have the baby with the disability? Why us? What did I do wrong? Some days I cant handle it I see other parents out there with the newborns and so happy buying things, showing off their new bundles and I sit back and think, why me? why wont my baby grow? Why does he look different? I don’t go shopping anymore I cant stand people seeing Noah. I hate the comments and the looks. I hate everyone saying he is so small or how old is he. When I say 4 months I get weird smiles or people just walk off like they regret asking. I have started lying now and saying he is just born that way everyone goos and gahs over him and I don’t have to explain what’s wrong. Then I feel bad that I need to lie. What mum lies about their precious child so she doesn’t feel hurt? A bad mum! A good mum would be proud of her son and his achievements and want to show off the baby who defeats all the odds. I hope one day I will be that mum. My mum says to me every time I call with new bad news ‘poor Noah’ I bite her head off this week saying NO POOR ME! He doesn’t know he is different he still gets love and cuddles and milk and milk and cuddles and more milk. He thinks life is pretty grand. I am the one who grieves for the baby I thought I was going to have. The 4th baby in the family, which translates to the one who gets tag along for the rest. Yet Noah doesn’t fit that description the whole family revolves around Noah and his needs. But today’s episode made me think of how selfish I have been every day is so special with Noah and I should be so proud of how far he has come, he has fought his whole life for each day to cuddle and love us, he doesn’t care about doctors or statics he just cares about love. I am so proud of him for tropping on he is my star. most of all I realized how proud I am of all the family for loving Noah and accepting him, none of the kids realize the extent of his limitations or needs. They don’t care, they don’t care he takes up all my time or that his needs are so important they just love him as their brother. How could I ask for better siblings for Noah than that? I am going to write a letter to all the kids and Noah and put it away for them. Thanking them for the love of the family and for helping us so much with Noah. When their older I want them to see the pics of how hard life has been for us all and know I was so proud even then of them. I want Noah to look back on his life and feel loved and special and proud of himself for fighting every day, so hard just to be with us. Eyes full of tears now. BBL to continue.